All I got out of this was money and I want my money, except I’m not going to get it and I’m not going after it (so I guess I don’t really want it).
Fidelity Investments sent me a letter 12 July telling me they were trying to determine if the Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO) for the division of Donkey’s 401k was “‘qualified’ pursuant to Section 206(d)(3) of the Employee Income Retirement Income Security Act of 1974, as amended.” Yada yada yada.
I told my lawyer, “If, for any reason, Fidelity rejects the order, I don’t care & I don’t want to go back to court over it.” My lawyer answered, “You will get your money, I am just not sure when and I am checking that out.”
“I won’t get my money.” I told him, ”I bet one of the first things Mike said to [Donkey] was not to worry about the 401k, that he’d write it to guarantee, with as much certainty as possible, that I will never see an actual dime of that 401k. I’m not going to fight it, or the $322 deficit from [Donkey's] tax fuck-up, or the ~$3K in retro support. I quit. He wins, and like he says, he always will because he has the system on his side now and forever. Plus, considering Judge Craig’s past verdict, he’ll probably gladly continue to give Donkey everything he wants…”.
Yesterday I replied to the email string: I told you so. Fidelity determined the 401k order is not qualified. End. I’m not fighting it.
I didn’t think about it until the first letter arrived, but it makes sense that Donkey and Barnette would have sat down and figured out a strategy to be sure the little Judge Dennis Craig did give me never actually made it to me:
- Don’t pay your taxes so the 2010 refund is dwindled to cover your debt and gives her significantly less than originally promised and less than court ordered ($2,500 – $1,468 – $1,136)
- Don’t pay your retro child support because it will cost her as much to go back to court to get it ($2,477)
- Don’t pay attention to your 401k since it will be frozen while they review the improperly worded court order ($3,000)
I only know how the divorce read, not the details of the QDRO (except for the two quoted paragraphs in the rejection letter).
Plus there are 6 very scary words stopping me from pursuing the matter: 
I’ve got at least 30 years to make up for that $3,000 with my own salary anyways, so I don’t think I’m going to ask that judge for anything.
Geez girl! He knows what he’s doing, doesn’t he? You can see it in action, yet to prove it would make you seem like you are off your rocker! they count on this, by the way. It’s what gives them the power to scheme, plan and succeed. No human will be able to believe it because they still think the guy acts in human ways…unless they see it for themselves. If you tell them the extremes he’s gone to, to see a plan followed through, they will think to themselves, “who DOES that?” and believe you are over exaggerating, paranoid, or what-have-you. I didn’t have children with the monster, nor any financial assets together. I’m grateful for that. I believe your’s is manipulative and a monster. I feel what you are dealing with. I see his colors, too. Hang in there.
By the way, you described his steps very well. I have a block when describing my monster’s steps. My introspection/extrospection crap goes into overload when trying to describe his steps, and I’m left remembering but not being able to put it down on paper. I do know what you are going through, in seeing his carefully manipulative, scheming steps and feeling powerless.
He’s more devious than Pacino in The Devil’s Advocate. They (Donkey, Barnette, and Craig) have decided I am a spoiled rotten bitch who will stop at nothing to get her way. It’s even in the divorce decree, except the bitch part. I have nothing because he had me branded the liar.
Thankfully our assets are limited to the 2010 tax refund. We owned no property, and this 401k crap is because my lawyer insisted I get a portion for the 3 years I raised the kids, but I never really cared. Besides, the actual total value of the 401k is over $12,000 but Donkey took $6,000 in loans over two years and depleted the account, and the judge let him keep that and awarded me based on the current value not the actual value.
I’m fully aware of how crazy this theory sounds, and that “paranoid, conspiracy-theorist, fiction-writing liar” is an expected reaction from my opposition. I’m just going to hold fast and let his words and actions demonstrate who he is so when I go back to court is isn’t “me” saying what a jackass he is.
And, thank you for the compliment. I think I get it to work because I’m trying to organize my situation so I approach it like a research paper and less like an autobiography.
[...] hasn’t split or distributed my half of his 401k because his attorney can’t get the paperwork put together and submitted [...]
[...] 401k issue, the one where Barnette wrote the order wrong and it was rejected by Fidelity, the one I said I quit over…stupid Barnette did it again. He rewrote the order, correct [...]