Loss is a 4-letter word

Loss: the act of losing possession; failure to gain, win, obtain, or utilize; see also, at a loss, for a loss.

I lost custody to my abusive ex-husband. I turn over my children to him on May 12. The day before Mother’s Day.

Judge Dennis Craig made the ruling Tuesday, April 10, 2012, in the 7th Judicial Circuit, Division 49, courtroom 402, at approximately 5:00 PM EDT. At 5:01 PM EDT I threw up. I’ve never seen a man move as quickly as the bailiff. I put my hand on my lawyer’s arm, said I’m going to be sick, bent over in my seat, and puked. The bailiff caught it in a trash can.

I’m intentionally not remembering much of his verdict to get thru these next 23 days. On May 12, I will give my children to a monster. On May 13 I will allow myself to be crushed under the weight of that. On May 14, I will wake up and start my new life. The only constant I hope endures is my fight to protect my children from the same fear and pain I endured. The same fear I didn’t report to the police out of fear. The same pain I didn’t report to the police because of the pain.

One thought I can’t shake yet, tho, is, have I just put my children in the position to do what I couldn’t? Is the responsibility to report resting in the hands of a 4 & a 2-year-old? How much will I be able to protect them from a man who told the court he didn’t see anything wrong with using pain to teach children a lesson, in some circumstances. Some circumstances? Not in my house: verbal warning, public timeout (in the same room), private timeout (in a separate room), and then privilege revocation.

It doesn’t matter. He threw me through a door for disagreeing with his decision to move the kids and me to FL. He has stated he was defending himself. He was defending his decision, as the man of the house, to further his education and career (at a time when focus needed to be internal), no matter the cost to the family, no matter the concerns of the wife, no matter…

It was finished before I even knew it was happening.

Advertisements

10 comments

  1. This is so heartbreaking to read. I don’t know how they could give your children to an abusive man. I love your line, “The same fear I didn’t report to the police out of fear. The same pain I didn’t report to the police because of the pain.” That’s so true, and something people don’t understand at all.

    1. Thank you, Aimee. I don’t know either. Keep going with your story, too. I’ll keep with mine. And together there will be two less silenced survivors.

  2. My heart breaks for you.

    1. Thank you. Thank you for reading and sharing your sentiment.

      1. About to loose my daughter to abusive husband/ father because of dennis craig also….dont know what to do….

        1. I am so sorry. He is a bad judge. I don’t have any trust in that man. Feel free to email me at tending.weeds@gmail.com. Maybe we can talk and figure out something. I’ve died in his courtroom, if there’s anything I can say or do to help, I will try. Judge Craig seems to like abusers and hate women. He’s horrible. Just horrible.

  3. […] nothing. I didn’t call the police, so according to the courts it never happened. Now he is raising […]

  4. […] been 357 days, nearly a year, since I was forced to turn over custody to Donkey. It’s been nine months since that became a regular reality. I turned over custody […]

  5. After reading your blogs for a whopping 15 minutes, I’d say that judge is a woman-hating idiot with some sort of agenda, and you need a way better lawyer. But I don’t know the situation very well. In my state the woman is pretty much always favored, unless there is some sort of extenuating circumstance like documented abuse or felony drug conviction or some such thing. Well, it sounds like you’re trying to teach your children the right way to live; maybe that’s all you can do right now, short of bugging his house to document the abuse he is, or will be, committing upon your kids. I would never suggest doing that, of course; it would be inherently wrong, and would probably cost a gob of money that you may or may not be able to raise. Abusers are insane and evil.

    1. That judge is wrong for what he did, and I have a much better lawyer now than I did during the divorce hearing.
      Thank you for reading, and for taking the time to leave a comment. It’s sad, what happened, and I’m working to fix it every day.

speak loudly, donkeys are sleeping

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: