From single mom to single

Final Judgement of Dissolution of Marriage, Division 49, 7th Judicial Circuit Court, Kim C. Hammond Justice Center in Bunnell, Fla., prepared by C. Michael Barnette, Esq., with The Law Office of C. Michael Barnette, Daytona Beach, Fla.

Judge Dennis Craig ordered, “The mother shall transfer the minor children to the father on or about May 12, 2012, which is one week after the father finishes his attendance at Embry Riddle Aeronautical University this term.” (page 13, first draft, FJDM)

It’s also the day before Mother’s Day, and, when I requested an alternate exchange weekend, Donkey responded, “I am [sic] don’t know that I can violate the Judge Craig’s order.  I will raise this issue with Michael.  It would be a good idea for you to address via Don.”

Eventually I caved. I told Donkey, “You may remove the children from their safe, consistent, stable environment on May 12, 2012. I had Father’s Day in 2011 & 2010.” I had Father’s Day in 2009, too, but Donkey was there, drinking and playing with his new samurai sword he bought for himself for Father’s Day. Don’t ask me about 2008 & in 2007 I was pregnant, so I’m pretty sure Donkey was drunk.

So that day arrived. It was

I screamed. I cursed. I hit my head against the window. I begged my mom to turn the car around. I demanded. I told the only person getting in the car with my kids who was capable of care, “anyone who supports a wife-beater is worthless.” And, I called her fat, twice. Which isn’t a lie, just rude. I refused to eat.

When I searched Donkey’s vehicle for a concealed weapon and drugs, he grabbed my arm and yanked me back out of the car. I went to the backseat and checked the carseats. They weren’t installed properly and when I told Donkey to fix it he argued against it; and then his sister argued that they were perfectly safe. They were not; carseats should not move more than one inch in any direction. Excuse me, but that’s about all I could do to ensure the safety of Is and No as they drove South with a monster. But, of course, it wasn’t until today that I considered reporting it to the police. I should have called the Chattanooga police and reported unsafe conditions. I didn’t. Story of my life.

I puked a half a dozen times like when I was 20 and had no sense and had to drink water just to have something to puke up. Except it wasn’t a filthy bar bathroom or my own less than white-glove porcelain prairie: it was in 2 different uni-sex gas station bathrooms, a coffee cup from QuickTrip, and a soda cup from Hardee’s.

I woke at 3:30 am, we left at 5:00 am, we arrived in Chattanooga at 2:00 pm, and back St. Louis, finally, at 11:00 pm. I didn’t fall asleep until almost 1:00 am. I woke, sick again, at 5:30 am, went back to sleep at 6:00 am, and got up when my parents came over at 11-something. Then I had breakfast, took a shower, did some shopping, watered plants, bought potato salad, and went to my sister’s to drop off her gift. I ended up staying for dinner and weeded her garden.

It’s a lifeless existence. Striving to fill time I never knew existed. Sleeping on the couch because I haven’t gone to bed alone for a month, and I haven’t woke alone in bed all year. I didn’t make the bed Saturday morning, and it still sits messy. My sink is full, yet no meal has been prepared nor served here for 3 days. I got up an hour later this morning and still arrived at work 30 minutes early.

I was home, changed, and back out the door before I used to even make it home. I heard the clock chiming as I went out the door and it used to be that I heard it as I came in the door. I ordered Imo’s, watched Bones, answered some emails and ignored others.

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10 comments

  1. Reblogged this on National Domestic Violence Survivor Law Project and commented:
    Wow! I remember the day that I had to finally exchange my daughter with her father. The Courts (back in 89-91) had been a little more protective back then; or may be I was in a conservative County with a great Judge who actually cared; and many in those Courts in that County had already seen me come to his court hearings where he was indicted for the domestic violence he had done to me. Whatever the case, I appreciated the Judge allowing him only to visit from 12noon to 6pm on Saturday and 12noon to 6pm on Sunday, alternating with Wednesday in the following week from 4-6pm. Being that we were about 20-30 miles away, he chose not to come out too often until she got older (he didn’t know what to do with a toddler???). lol….

    I do remember the anxieties and worries, when he finally did come out to get her…. was she going to be safe? was there someone else going to be with him so that my daughter could be protected and defended if he did let loose?

    Mine too had drank a lot, up until a year that I finally left for good. I worried about him slipping and drinking again. Was he going to be able to take care of her. At least, with her being between 4-5 years old when he finally did visit her, she could talk, scream, run to a neighbor’s house and get help if need be — although I hoped and prayed that that day would never exist.

    What many folks don’t realize when they think about a woman leaving the husband with the child(ren) is that the woman oftentimes still has to deal with the “donkey” even if they are living in separate homes.

    Because the courts see it that both parents are entitled to continue being active parents to the child(ren), however, I never could understand how in the world could they allow the child(ren) to be around a parent who had caused harm on another human being and (2) how could they expect that the abusive parent wouldn’t continue to do harm to the one that left (even without the physical abuse, but continuing the manipulation and control through emotional abuse.

    My daughter is now almost 25 years old and is her own person and we didn’t see her father for 7 years because he signed away termination of parental rights when she was 5 years old (but that is a whole ‘nother story). I don’t have to see him at all any more though now… and feel much better and safer from him.

    I hope and pray that you don’t have the struggles that I have encountered and truly hope that you find happiness and freedom from not having to be with him and continue living with him. Hopefully, there will be some solace that you will discover along your journey of healing.

    Best of luck and many hugs and prayers.

    1. Thank you. Thank you for reading, for reblogging, and for your truly kind words.

  2. […] second was Mother’s Day 2012. The first was Mother’s Day 2010. Donkey had tried to have me involuntarily committed as a […]

  3. […] actual day of parental exchange was 12 May 2012, but the kids returned to me 30 June 2012 for six weeks. It didn’t feel real until last night […]

  4. […] A few months later he did verbally admit to this abusive act. He even talked about it in an email. But it means nothing. I didn’t call the police, so according to the courts it never happened. Now he is raising our children. […]

  5. […] I faced darkness and lived in it. (8) One journey is crossing paths with another. (9) I wonder if I’ll know, […]

  6. […] that I was wrong. I know how it feels to feel so desperate that suicide is imaginable. I felt it the day I handed my innocent children to a corrupt monster. I wanted to die. I wished he had killed me when […]

  7. […] been solitary for some time now, ten months actually. I came home after giving Donkey custody in May 2012, and I stayed there. It hit me, and it hit me hard, as hard as he had. I jumped down a hole and […]

  8. […] to Donkey. It’s been nine months since that became a regular reality. I turned over custody 12 May 2012, but it was more like they were visiting Donkey. The returned for Memorial Day weekend 25 – […]

  9. […] 2012 when I was given one last month of motherhood before being forced at the threat of jail to turn over everyday life to Donkey. To say that anger moved in and replaced the children is to minimize the absolute […]

speak loudly, donkeys are sleeping

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