February 23, & this creature you have been with

February 23, 2010*: We were living in Mableton, and Donkey threw me across the kitchen and through the laundry room door. The door broke loose and I hit the dryer with my head, neck, and back. I told him to leave. He took the carseats out of his car and when he returned to tell me he was going, he looked at me and stated I was incapable of caring for the children, and then refused to leave. Is witnessed the attack. No was sleeping.

*journal entries written after Donkey went to sleep after the attack, and days after:

February 23, 2010: Tonight Donkey threw me through the laundry room door. He grabbed me with two hands around my arms just above my elbows and pushed me backwards about ten feet with his full force and strength and slammed me into the laundry room door. The door gave and I landed with my upper back, neck, and head slammed into the dryer. Is cried with a fear I have never heard before. She doesn’t like it when we fight, but tonight she was scared. It took me several minutes to get up. My back hurt. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t get up off my hands and knees from the pain. I was short of breath for several hours. I threw up. Picking up and feeding Niko made me wince. I couldn’t turn my head to look at Is, sitting next to me, without pain. My husband hurts me emotionally very regularly, but tonight was the first night he ever hurt me like this. He’s grabbed me before, out of anger, but he has never been like this. I told him to leave but he didn’t. It’s sure to happen again. I just hope Is and No aren’t witnesses.

February 24, 2010: The laundry room door frame is shattered. The dryer was shoved back into the wall. We (I) will have to fix and paint the frame on the inside of the room, the latch on the door has already been fixed so I can shut the door and keep the kids safe. I swept and vacuumed most of the splinters and picked up all the nails and screws. Now, my list of injuries— left hand bruised and tender to move/touch; left wrist scraped and tender to touch; left elbow scraped, bruised, swollen, and tender; right leg, inside just above the knee, hurts to touch or move which makes walking painful; right hip sore to use, feels “out”; sternum sore to touch and slightly bruised; right collarbone at shoulder sore/tender to touch; back of head has huge knot, probably bruised, tender, hurts to lay down or back; upper back, sore muscles, knots, swollen, bruised and makes everything hard to do because it hurts so bad and I’m scared to move and cause permanent damage; tongue swollen from biting down on both sides.

February 25, 2010: No change, well more sore, more swollen, more tender, more bruises. Going to the zoo took everything, even driving hurts.

February 26, 2010: I wish I could go to the doctor, or tell someone, and get this off my chest—

February 27, 2010: The pain in my left arm and right leg are almost gone. The bruises have turned yellow. But my back is killing me! My sternum, head, and collarbone are significantly less painful and have little effect on me today. I can’t function well because of the fear of the pain in my back, that and the fear of doing more damage by moving.

In June 2010, Donkey wrote an email to me and included some thoughts about this “door incident”, among other things (I’ll address later).

an excerpt from a lengthy email (more to come)

Judge Dennis Craig didn’t read this as any kind of admission of a domestic violence assault. My lawyer says it’s a clever admission. I say it says what I knew the instant my body lifted off the floor, sailed across the room,  and impacted, and impacted again.

The first words out of Donkey’s mouth after the attack were, “I never wanted to do that again.” Again? That is the word that snapped it all into place. Again. Plus, he had just given himself permission to escalate the violence, and I reinforced that by not calling the police.

I didn’t go see a doctor right away, either, and I sustained more injuries than I ever could have imagined. I have, present tense, a concussion (still suffering side-effects, per my doc), tinnitus (traumatic brain injury, per my ENT), and 7 damaged bones in my neck and upper back (sudden, forceful impact, per my chiro).

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4 comments

  1. […] few months later he did verbally admit to this abusive act. He even talked about it in an email. But it means nothing. I didn’t call the police, so according to the courts it never […]

  2. […] to use what I need to tell specific parts of my story. This is the 4th of 8 paragraphs. The “door incident” was the […]

  3. […] February 23 & This Creature You Have Been With […]

  4. […] Finally the day of my appointment arrived. It was a Friday. My then-husband was thrilled he would finally be able to have sex again. He was tired of waiting. He had been patiently waiting for two weeks while I dealt with my issues over the door incident. […]

speak loudly, donkeys are sleeping

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