Divorced, and Single
I am divorced, but I am also single. Which one do I select? The form-reading computer brains would probably explode if I checked both, or at least shoot ugly exclamation marks and refuse to let me continue until I decide what I am.
Who really needs to know I’m divorced? I’m single, and I intend to remain single until struck by a lightening bolt and turned into a phenomenon. Plus, the IRS doesn’t have a divorced category for filing: you are single, married, or widowed. They seem to be the end-all be-all of Who Not to Lie To, and if I’m single to them…ok, I’m stretching.
Everyone gives a shit whether I’ve succeeded at the social institution, failed at the social institution, or haven’t yet attempted the social institution. Who fucking cares? I probably care because I’m divorced and that sucks elephant penis no matter how much I wanted it.
Who should know I’m divorced?
- The US Census Bureau should know. This is important information for an accurate study.
- My doctor should know. It’s why I have a bottle of alprazolam on my dresser at home.
- My ex-husband should know. Duh.
- Anyone else?
Single, and Divorced
Few forms offer explanations as to how to select your marital status. This is, apparently, a common sense question that only I struggle with.
At the core, though, there are really only two options: married, not married.
Adding disclaimers and sub-categories is part of the Politically Correct Movement, and has become another way to satisfy our unending need to fit people into stereotypes and categories in order to discern exactly who they are without bothering for a conversation.
Also, The Married are uncomfortable with the Not Married. We are non-conformist rebels with an anarchist bent on destroying the very fabric of society. We cannot be trusted, but to what level is determined by the Not Married categories: Failed (divorced); Failing (separated); Fired (widowed); or Foreign (gay marriage).
The real question, I think, is can you be trusted? Married equals yes and Not Married equals no. I can’t tell you which makes me look more responsible. Single, images of youth and drunkards; or Divorced, absolute failure at the simplest of acts?
Single, not divorced
I’ve selected single as my status; I’d rather be a fun-loving hippie than a Wall Street drop-out. I’m a bit proud of single and a bit ashamed of divorced.
It’s easy to get married. Married people are always ready and willing to pair the unmarried in order to beef up their ranks against the Zombie Apocalypse of the Not Married. It’s hard to get divorced. It leaves you wounded, and society dumps truck loads of salt on it to make you feel better. It’s hard to be single. It leaves you wounded and society wants to lock you up and throw away the key.