Guest Post: Guilty Until Proven Innocent?

I am honored to feature Buckwheatsrisk while her blog is under construction. I have been strengthened by her resolve to evict the victimization in her life and become an outspoken survivor determined to unveil the atrocities of non-physical abuse that victims endure. 

Now I turn over the microphone to Buckwheatsrisk:

Yesterday a thought crossed my mind (yes another thought 😉 ).  Why is it that those of us who have been abused and escaped are the ones that have to change everything?

It’s been liberating for me to cut ties with the family, but frustrating in another way. I am the one who has been abused and I’m the one that basically has to go into hiding like a criminal and that really sucks.  I had to get rid of my old FB account, I had to get rid of my long-standing email address, I have to go under a pseudo name on-line with any account I have, that connects to my abuse in any way.  I’ve even had to not allow friends of mine on my FB account now because they have befriended a family member.  I had to move from where I was born and raised to escape the pressure they put on me.  The abuse.

Why is it that the abusers always seem to get away with everything, while their victims pay in every way for their crimes?  That’s what they are, crimes!

It’s even in the court system and of course the government system.  It’s infuriating to think about.  This world seems to have everything ass backwards (forgive the term).

Narcissistic/sociopaths are just as wickedly abusive as those that physically abuse and yet no one sees the scars and unhealed wounds they leave.  They are not visible to the naked eye but they are visible if one looks closely.   These people are dangerous people, and often they will physically abuse, they even have the potential to kill, yet they are cowards so more often, they will beat, whip and abuse with their tongues. They will manipulate, guilt and lie to control you.  They will use mind games to convince you that you are the one that is bad, wrong, messed up and needs fixing…Well ya, now I need fixing because of you, I wouldn’t have otherwise!  At least I can recognize when I need help!

Something in this world has to change when it comes to holding abusers accountable for their actions.  I am tired of being guilty until I’m proven innocent. I’m tired of having to prove that I have been abused.  You know many people don’t tell because they figure they won’t be believed.  Sadly that is all too true.  Why the abusers aren’t automatically found guilty like the victims seem to be, I’ll never know!

This is just so wrong!  With such a modern society, it seems the principles and values are primitive.  How do we change this?!

What is your take on this?

There has to be hope here for all of us who have lived with injustice our whole lives!

Please join me in thanking Buckwheatsrisk for sharing her heartfelt thoughts. This is all too true. Victims of abuse are considered guilty for allowing it to happen. No one asks to be abused. No one hopes their father wants them to feel like they are useless or a bother or imperfect. No one accepts a date and hopes to be lied to, manipulated, degraded, or punched. 



  1. Thank you so very much!! The more we speak up, the more they won’t be able to ignore us!! xo

    1. Yes, like teenagers next to you at the red light with their stereo up at max volume. You try to close your window, but the sound still comes in.

      1. exactly it! let’s keep turning the volume up!!

  2. Ugh. I feel your pain as I went through much the same thing. I had to move out of state, and when he followed me, I had no recourse since they wouldn’t prosecute crimes from another state and the original state wouldn’t extradite. As long as he never sets foot inside Massachusetts again, he’s free and clear. I am the one who is hiding, not the criminal. It sucks.

    1. That is so frustrating. You have to put yourself in such danger to escape danger. He better not step foot in Massachusetts again. And if he does, while we wait for the police to get around to helping, I’ll gather a pioneer-style mob with pitch forks and torches and we’ll make a fence of fury around you.
      In all seriousness tho, it is a shame we have to hide. We shouldn’t have to lock ourselves out of a normal life just to try to lead a normal life. That isn’t normal and it isn’t helping anybody.

      1. Actually, I’d love it if he’d go to Mass since I’m in California now. The thing is, he lives here now too. Just a few measly hours away. Sometimes, when I’m home alone at night, I have panic attacks thinking that he has found me. Pitchforks would be most welcome.

        It sucks that we often aren’t believed until it’s too late. It sucks that the victims feel more persecuted than the criminals. It sucks that we can’t just live our lives in peace. I think we’ve earned it.

        1. I wasn’t thinking. Please accept my apology. I read The Winds of Doom just two days ago.

          We have earned our peace indeed. We have earned a lifetime of peace. But instead we get panic. I know panic. Every white truck. Every squirrel in the garden. Neighbors’ guests. But I panic at different times now; it’s not the noises but the silence. He knows where I am, but he has the children, so if he suddenly shows up…oh, it sure as shit better be to bring them back to me.

  3. That really really sucks!!!! It is wrong and moving forward at a snails speed. Jen

    1. It is snails speed. It’s so slow it’s at the point of dangerous.

  4. Goldfish, i’m sorry you are there too! it’s just so wrong and Melanie’s right we would all be there with our pitchforks! this world needs to wake up!!

    1. All we can really do is support each other and show that we’re not alone.

      1. for sure and keep speaking out on it! xo

speak loudly, donkeys are sleeping

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: