The first post about this list included only the emotional abuse (and the “door incident”).
The following is the rest of what I included in my original list of abuse. As much as I would like to edit it for all things editable, this was my original list where I admitted, out-loud, out-side of like company, that I had been duped by a dope. I kind of appreciate the disconnections, rapid language, and total lack of anything anywhere resembling a transition sentence.
Abuse on [my daughter]:
Two separate weekends while I was pregnant with N, Erik woke up in the morning with Is. Knowing that he was up with her, I went back to sleep. When I woke up he was in bed asleep and she was sitting alone on the couch with the TV on. She was not yet two-years-old. She was visibly frightened and cried when she told me, “Mommy, I all alone.” I didn’t say anything to Erik. After the second time, I told him it was cruel and unsafe to leave her alone. Another weekend he woke with Is again. I stayed awake and waited for him to return to bed. When he didn’t I went back to sleep. I woke a little while later and found him asleep on the couch with her sitting on the floor watching TV.
I would keep books and quiet toys next to Is’s bed so if she had trouble sleeping she could read or play and have quiet time instead of naptime. If she wouldn’t go to sleep, Erik would take her books and quiet toys out of her room and try to force her to stay in her bed instead of allowing her the chance to read and entertain herself quietly.
In March 2010 during a drive to LaGrange, GA from our house in Mableton, GA, Is started kicking the back of Erik’s seat. He asked her to stop. She started again, and again he yelled for her to stop. When she didn’t he reached back and pinched he upper right thigh. She cried out in pain. He refused to stop the car saying she needed to learn her lesson. I reached back and held her hand and told her she would be ok and that I loved her. I held her hand for the remaining hour of the drive.
In April 2010 during another drive to LaGrange, GA from our house in Mableton, GA, Is again started kicking the back of Erik’s seat. Again he reacted by pinching her leg. *
In May 2010, Erik returned with Is from Miami after a week away. She had a long, narrow bruise on her upper right thigh. She also complained that “Daddy hit me,” but has never offered specific details.
Abuse on [my son]:
When N was born, one of the first things Erik said about his son was “I didn’t want another girl.”
The first time Erik tried to stop me from picking up N when he was crying N was only a week old. Erik told me to let him cry because he needed to “man up.”
During some times when N would cry for unknown reason, Erik would force feed him formula. When he wouldn’t eat, Erik would forcefully massage his stomach, and hold the bottle in his mouth, and kept moving it to keep it in his mouth if N tried to get away from the bottle.
Sometimes when N would cry and we couldn’t figure out why, Erik would forcefully massage his stomach and intestines. N would cry in pain and when asked to stop, Erik would respond by saying, “he feels better when I’m finished.”
Abuse against me:
Some examples of Physical Abuse:
1. February 2007: While living in Columbus, GA, Erik ended an argument by throwing his dinner plate and a dining room chair at me. I left the house and walked to a near-by park. He followed me in his car and refused to leave until I agreed to return with him. I was pregnant with Is.
2. November 4, 2008: While living in Marietta, GA, Erik held me up against a wall and screamed in my face. I got out of his hold and locked myself and Is in the bathroom. He tried to break down the door with his shoulder and only stopped when he injured himself then collapsed on the floor crying.
3. February 23, 2010: While living in Mableton, GA, Erik threw me across the kitchen and through the laundry room door. The door broke loose and I hit the dryer with my head, neck, and back. I told him to leave. He took the carseats out of his car and when he returned to tell me he was going he looked at me and stated I was incapable of caring for the children then refused to leave. Is witnessed the attack. N was sleeping.
4. March 12, 2010-July 27, 2010: Surgeries because of his action/inaction
When I found out I was pregnant with N and told Erik it was a big joke for him to tell his family and friends, “Melanie is pregnant again. I’m getting fixed;” except he didn’t follow through with getting a vasectomy. At my six-week postpartum check-up it came time to decide on a method of birth control. Once again, 100% of the responsibility fell on me. I discussed two options with my doctor: Essure, a vaginal tubal ligation procedure, and an IUD. Because I had gotten pregnant twice on birth control pills I didn’t want to return to that method without Erik having a vasectomy. After discussing the two options I went with an IUD. Essure required three office visits and a three-month waiting period for the procedure to take effect. Erik couldn’t wait that long for sex or wear a condom. An IUD would be immediately effective. Essure carried a higher rate of pregnancy, most of those being a life-threatening tubal pregnancy. IUDs had a lower rate of pregnancy because of how they are made to work; it was less risky. Three days after having the IUD inserted I was back in the office because of severe pain that began within hours of getting the IUD. After an ultrasound and x-rays, the IUD was found in my left iliac region. It had perforated my uterus and needed to be removed through laparoscopic surgery. I had the first surgery March 17, during which a tubal ligation was preformed. The doctor urged Erik to have a vasectomy to significantly minimize the possibility of a tubal pregnancy, but he refused. I continued to have pain and in April I began experiencing a constant menses. I continued to bleed until my second surgery July 14. During the laparoscopic portion of the procedure, the doctor discovered that the tubal ligation had caused my right fallopian tube to swell and become infected.
5. May 8, 2010: While living in Palm Coast, FL, Erik charged at me with the knife he was using to cut vegetables in the kitchen. He cornered me between the bedroom and the bathroom. I pushed through him to escape the threat. Is and N were in the living room watching TV. Erik called the police and told them I was hysterical. When they arrived he convinced them to remove me from the household for psychiatric evaluation.
Some examples of Sexual Abuse:
When we met I told Erik I did not want sex to be a part of our early relationship so we could have time to get to know each other without the distraction of sex. On our fourth date he forced me into the bedroom and would not stop pushing the issue until I finally gave in and submitted to sex. He then told me he knew the first time he laid eyes on me that he could get me into bed.
Early in our relationship I made it clear I did not like sex after we had been out drinking because it made me dizzy and sick to my stomach. He often pushed the issue until I gave in then would get upset when I got sick telling me if I knew when to stop drinking I wouldn’t get sick.
I told Erik I did not like to have sex while on my period. When he would try to initiate sex during my period I would tell him no. He would tell me he didn’t care and I would tell him I did. He would tell me to put a towel down so I wouldn’t have to clean anything up. Most of the time he would allow me to say no during my period.
After Is was born, Erik refused to wait the required six-week recovery period before initiating sexual activity. I requested we wait until I had been cleared by my Ob/Gyn. He stated we had waited long enough and he needed it. He also refused to wait for the six-week postpartum check up after N was born.
When I would try to say no to his sexual advances he would often sulk around, refuse to look at or talk to me until I submitted to his needs.
After Is was born Erik would try to initiate sex during the day. If Is was awake he would say he could put her in front of a movie and that would give us enough time.
This makes me so fucking angry. He’s a terrible, terrible man and I’m not a bad woman for saying that. He’s a terrible, terrible man with two very small children dependent on him in ways he cannot possibly fulfill. And how Judge Dennis Craig could be such a fool as to hear me talk about this and still rule “the court finds that there is insufficient evidence that acts of domestic violence have occurred,” I will never understand.
I will never understand his oblivion to the dynamics of domestic violence. That has to be it. That has to be why he said, “the court found there was insufficient evidence presented by the mother to establish that she had been subjected to domestic violence.”
This mother finds the court gave insufficient attention to the evidence of domestic violence.
* I have recently learned, as in last month when the kids were with me for two weeks, that Donkey is now pinching N in the car.