Whoever says you need a man needs to get allen-wrenched

My kids are coming! My kids are coming! It’s like the Redcoats, except with more blood, guts, and poop. Ok. Maybe not so much guts, or one can hope, maybe; although I wouldn’t put it past my son to attempt to disembowel any unfortunate road kill we happen along while out on a walk or bike ride.

I finally got around to ordering new beds for their bedroom. Until now, our time has been short enough that we have shared my queen-sized bed, which isn’t so big with two floppy kids in it. I had separate quarters ready for their Spring Break visit, but they inevitably crawled, snuck, slipped into bed with me, so we snuggled, cramped neck, cowboy boots, and all, into one happy family bed.

I opted for two daybed style beds because, as awesome as bunk beds are, they won’t be sharing a room for the life span of that purchase. The beds arrived two days ahead of schedule. Yay! In two 45 pound boxes. Yikes! With some assembly required. Crap!

Bed boxYou know, some assembly is a total lie. The whole damn thing needs to be assembled.

The tool of this trade was a simple, little, callus inducing allen wrench. I added a pair of pliers to the mix because I can use the pliers to get a better grip on the allen wrench to tighten the bolts to non-bed-collapsing tight without breaking my fingers to do so.

Bed 1Only some assembly may be required, but all of that some had to be done by me and me alone. I opened the box and dumped the bed pieces on the living room floor. Then I got all sad-faced and did a little self-depreciating pep-talk. I texted a friend: “I’m really starting to hate being alone.” I wanted someone to help, someone to share the experience with.

Bed 2This isn’t the first time this thought of being once again coupled has crossed my mind in the last month. It crossed my mind when I last came home from taking the kids back to Donkey. I craved falling into a warm embrace. Yet there were no arms waiting to welcome me home, alone. It crossed my mind when I returned home from visiting a friend who sent me home with bags of clothes from her to me and from her daughter to mine, and I was faced with the task of carrying 7 bags of clothes and 2 bags of books from my car to my apartment, car to apartment, car to apartment, car to apartment. It has crossed my mind for emotional and physical needs: hugs and muscles.

And then I commenced assembly, all the while complaining and convincing myself I could do this.

Bed 3I knew I just wanted to whine and moan. I also knew and know, I am strong and crafty and have been completing some assembly required alone for many many years, and have the ability to use my legs and feet as third and fourth hands. Like a monkey, but with less fur.

Bed 3I trudged along. Complaining and whining and moaning the whole time, because that’s way healthier than acknowledging that it was my choice to stay single and my choice to purchase not one but two beds that require some assembly.

Two hours later…

Bed 5Yup. I rock. Sans man, the bed is assembled. Rinse, repeat, and do it again tonight.

Still, the thought lingers…how much easier and more fun would the entire project be with a partner?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since I last tried to convince myself that I desired continued, perpetual singlehood. The conclusion I’ve come to is I don’t desire continued, perpetual singlehood, and I know I don’t want to waste my time with anyone who wouldn’t have made this very kind of project much easier and more fun. I can put a bed together. Two, in fact. And I don’t want to be put on the side to read directions while he does all the screwing.

Hell of a time to figure all this out. It’s not a timely time to begin to go out for free dinners dates. I have three months to solidify my wants and needs in a partner before I actually begin the work of weeding out donkeys for a man. Not to mention the built-in procrastination before I actually put thoughts and words into action.

It is a partner I want. I’ve been talked to. I want to talk with. I’ve been told. I want to be asked. I’ve been ignored. I want to be included. I’ve been ridiculed. I want to be comforted. I’ve been shamed. I want to be accepted. I’ve been discourage. I want to be encouraged. I’ve been fucked. I want to make love.

Knowing this is good. I know what I won’t compromise. I won’t compromise my interests for his. We should each have our own, as well as ours. Knowing this is good. The time and energy, the thoughts and efforts, have led me back to me, and me is pretty fucking cool. Anyone who wants to change that isn’t good enough for me. Knowing this is good.



  1. Never compromise and never settle for a donkey.

    1. Which is why I have taken so long to get back to dating. I didn’t want to settle for another donkey, so I took time to rediscover myself and evaluate how I settled in the first place. Now I know I want to date, and I’m not doing it because I feel like I need to.
      Thank you for reading and commenting.

      1. It is good that you taking so much time before jumping in the water. I wish you the best on the donkey free journey.

  2. Good job! I remember when my boys and I did our first independent repair…replaced a commode seat/lid. Felt like we’d created as if Michelangelo. 🙂 Realizing we deserve better is all part of God’s plan. Enjoy !!!

    1. Thank you, Shandra. It does feel like quite an accomplishment. I appreciate you spending time reading today. Thank you.

  3. Don’t ever, EVER settle for less than you deserve, Melanie. You are an amazing woman, and you deserve to be treated how you want to be treated. You are wonderful the way you are, so don’t change for anybody. I’m glad that you know what you want now and now that you know don’t ever settle for anything less.

    1. Thank you, Twindaddy. I will not settle. Not no way, not no how. I have felt what it feels like to be loved and appreciated for me, and I will draw on that memory so when I settle down with someone I know I am not settling.

  4. jenstev4 · · Reply

    You are pretty damn cool! And you do deserve better than a Donkey. Now you know what to look for and how to identify any “red flags”. You deserve happiness, respect, laughter, and to make love. You deserve a real partner and friend. You will find him! I wish I could have been there to help carry all of the bags up LOL! The beds Look awesome, and will look even better when there is a little body curled up sleeping (probably with their heads at the foot of the bed if they sleep anything like my kids did) in each of the beds! Yaaay for summer, I hope we get to see the three of you sometime this summer! Here’s to a beautiful, independent, strong women, and one of my dearest friends….I love you!

    1. We’ll get together if at all possible. Isy keeps asking when she’s going to see my friend with the four kids. Lol! No worries about the bags. I was hosting a pity party when I was carrying everything in.
      The beds are nice and they will be better with two little bodies curled up with their heads at the feet of the bed. They’re so precious when they sleep.
      I have no plans to settle ever again. If you think I may be, tell me to think straight. 🙂

  5. All I can offer is coffee dates only and carry cash! I fell for the “oh I forgot my wallet” at a expensive restaurant! JA! 😡! Funny, but it’s a learned lesson!

    1. I once had someone pull the “I forgot my wallet” trick. I was pissed and never saw him again. I get that it happens, but he stopped at a gas station after the coffee date so I knew he lied.

  6. Those are good things to demand, Melanie! May you get them all and more.

    1. They are good demands. I’m glad I took the time to figure out what it is I wanted before I made the decision to go back out into the dating world.

  7. Great job on the beds! We can do anything we set our minds to!!! But I know the feeling so well… My last post is dripping with it… I’m over it again! I can do anything by myself and so can you. And one day we will both be dating again 🙂

    1. Thank you! We can do anything we set our minds to, and that’s what it takes – setting our minds to it. It feels good to be independent and strong.

  8. You deserve the very best. Way to go putting the bed together!! xo

    1. I do deserve the very best and I will settle for nothing less in this next go-around.

      1. you know it and that’s good! xo

  9. I am with you . I want a partner and I don’t plan on settling for less.

    1. Donkey was the opposite of a partner. He was a dictator. He treated me like a child who needed to be instructed in my own thoughts and actions. I want someone who is my equal in our relationship, not someone who considers themselves a parent to an adult.

  10. Congrats the beds look great. I remember the some assembly required days. The worst project I took on was an entertainment center from Dania. The person is going to be placed in your life whem you lesst expect it. The universe will provide. I wonder if he will be a rock climber?

    1. Thanks! I’ve assembled an entertainment system before, and that seemed easier than these beds. I could lean things together for the entertainment systems. The beds required some creative balancing. Still, no matter what is being assembled, when it’s being done so solo, it’s a comedy of errors.
      Someone will come into my life, and now that I am open to it, I may notice him noticing me, but I’m in no hurry (so it’ll probably happen next week, lol). If he’s a rock climber, then we’ll have something to do together on the weekends, if not, then I’ll have something that I can still call my own (because if he tries to take it away, I’ll kick him to the curb).

  11. jenstev4 · · Reply

    Just make sure to keep your eyes open, You never know, it may be a guy at a certain gas station checking you out LOL!! And don’t worry if I see or hear anything that concerns me with Mr. Future I will be sure to give you a very loud heads up!

  12. […] that by now. I’ve tried for over a year to figure this out, again and again and again and again and again. And here I am, once again, trying to figure out where it is I am with me. The truth is, […]

speak loudly, donkeys are sleeping

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