12 months later

Not writing for a year has done nothing to improve relations or communications between me and Donkey. I’m not surprised. I could have told you that, but now I have 12 months of rancid texts and emails to back me up. Gotta love evidence.

I didn’t set out to take such a long break, and improving relations between Donkey and I wasn’t my first motivation. I took a break for the holidays and to revamp the look of Deliberate Donkey. Then the holidays were over, but I had felt such a huge relief not being immersed almost daily in the writing and reading of domestic violence and abuse stories. It was then that I wondered if things, maybe, just maybe, could get better with Donkey having one less thing to punch me in the heart about. I knew better — it was a classic emotional vs rational battle — but now I have proof.

I can’t say I’ll come back with any sort of schedule and regularity. I’m looking forward to purging my brain and my records into a central location. That’s what this was to begin with, so that’s what it will go back to. I loved my community here, and I can’t wait to get back in touch with everyone and see how life is going for you too.

It came to blows again this week over school pictures. He had the information. I wanted the information. He didn’t think it was his responsibility to give me the information. I asked him again. He ignored me. I asked the schools and they said they had sent that information home with dad. I asked Donkey again. He ignored me. I asked again, he told me to fuck off, though not in those words. Actually, what he said was cease and desist contacting me and quit being an agitator. Alrighty then.

Thanks asshole.

Turns out, my daughter never had her school pictures taken, so there are no 1st grade pictures for her. And my son, well. Turns out Donkey forgot to send him to school in picture clothes (as opposed to his uniform) on picture day, and forgot again on retake day, so the picture is in uniform with messed up, uncombed hair.

But instead of admitting that, he attacks me.

Of course. Nothing has changed. Like I ever really believed it would.

I spoke with the photo studio this afternoon because I wanted to cancel the order I had placed thinking there were pictures only to have Donkey admit there were no pictures. Come to find out there is a picture. Oh happy Momma!
P.S. I did email Donkey to let him know there is a picture and to give him the info I had about ordering it.


  1. Welcome back! They never change but we have to try everything before we believe it. I am so glad my ex and I didn’t have children together and I never have to talk to him again.
    I understand the feeling of needing a break from all the domestic violence stories etc, I take a little break once in a while myself but I also credit my blog for most of my healing, I don’t think I would have made it through without the support of my followers. We are here for you.

    1. Thanks Carrie! I missed you. How have things been?
      I’m glad you understand the need for a break. Sometimes that’s just so important.
      I’m with you on the healing. I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I did without y’all here. Thank you!

  2. Anonymous · · Reply

    My Mrs and I went before Judge Dennis Craig several times the man is not right in his head,He never asked how are the kids, but what we can do for her ex of seven years.Craig has him using our address to register and insure his RV that he runs his business out of there is a 50k note on it.Her Ex never put anything in his name including the business so now the IRS keeps going after my Mrs for the seven years of Taxes,Craig would not let Her go back to NY for a job in Basset Hospital Coppers town NY for 48K a year to start after she put herself through school,and got a degree,So now we find yourselves with all sorts of problems Cant pay school loans back no job around her field,so My Mrs work’s cleaning floors for 10 bucks an hour and now we are liable for Him.Thats plain nuts! What about the red light cameras Craig that you would not pay! and now if the ex gets one who has to pay it?and if he gets into an accident and kills some one They will go after my home that I have 50% equity in!So My Mrs and I have no Rights @ all in Craigs court,The last time we went to his court he wanted to put my Mrs in jail because she did not want the RV in her name and use our address,When we Got Home that day,we said the Ex has Craig in his pocket! Put our home up for sale we close in 2 weeks,We will move to north Florida Jax area,Nice job Craig!

    1. I agree, Judge Craig is not right. There is something seriously wrong with him. He is consistently ignorant and unfair. There is nothing impartial about him. He goes after women, especially mothers, as if simply by possessing a vagina we are the enemy of the world. I can’t tell you how many like stories I have heard about him.
      Good luck with your move. I hope it brings you some peace, or at least the option to move your case out of Craig’s jurisdiction.

  3. Welcome back! School pictures are a pain for us too, as is the fact that I’m breathing and my heart keeps pumping. Stay strong, Momma!

    1. Thank you! The pictures were harder than they needed to be. It’s wasn’t such an issue last year. But what is an abuser if not unpredictable. You stay strong too!

  4. You are far kinder than I would have been. sighs… I’m glad there is a photo. 🙂

    1. I was cursing under my breath. He is so mean, I shouldn’t have sent the info. Clearly he couldn’t care less about the pictures.
      Thanks for coming by today Dani. I hope you are doing well.

  5. Good to hear from you, youre a strong lady x

    1. Thanks Magpie. We all are, those of us who survive. x

  6. Sigh, Melanie. When you hadn’t written, I was hopeful something had eased off for you. They never do change though, not until and unless there is something from you they need or want, then wow, you think -progress. Of course, that progress only lasts until the need is over. I have five years and still he shows no sign of slowing down the anal projectiles of spite. I’m afraid I have to face the fact that this was his way of life before we split and he intends to keep it that way. I know now that I will have to wait it out until my boy reaches age of consent.
    I will send a holiday wish for you, that you get to that point a lot sooner.

    1. “Anal projectiles of spite” -what a great turn of phrase. That’s exactly what it is.
      14 more years and I won’t have to interact with him anymore. 14 more years of vitriol and abuse. He’ll never change. I know this. At least now I’ve learned to deal with it and ignore it and just keep to the facts. I’m numb and I’m glad I’m at that point.

      1. Well, I’m going to wish upon a Christmas star that sentence gets reduced. 😉 Hugs.

speak loudly, donkeys are sleeping

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