Beatings, drugs and more through the eyes of a child

Me at the Isle of Sky aged 13 I think, when all the below happened

Me at the Isle of Sky aged 13 I think, when all the below happened

I would like to thank Melanie for allowing me a space on her page to tell the story that goes with this original blog I did http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/04/29/growing-up-with-a-criminal-family/ on my own Blog Page http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com

As things stand today my story is one from many years ago, some of the people involved are still living, happy and well, a few have died, the story I have to tell seems like a lifetime ago, almost dream like, but in a way the past still speaks to me, the demons still haunt my mind as I approach my late 30’s, I am actually 40 today. Yay me

I was born in the early 1970’s in one of the roughest areas in Edinburgh, Scotland, a housing estate called Muirhouse. Today it is way worse, drugs, prostitution, knife crime and guns, you know the rest. We moved out of there as a Family when I was a kid around 1982, I was about 9 years old or so, we moved not far away from where I live today with my Partner Dawn and my 4 kids, Dean (21), Ryan (19) and my two Daughters Courtney (4) and Chloe (2)

Today I am lucky, I have been with Dawns since School days, we were friends for years, Dawn was a part time model, she is beautiful, but her heart and her smile and laugh drew me to her as I approached leaving School age, Dawn is almost 2 years younger than I, We had Dean when I was 17 and Dawn was 15, a few weeks away from being 16, I had left School, Dawn was still at School when she fell pregnant. Being so young, we made stupid mistakes, but mistakes we would never change. We had hard times, but today, we are a happy family, we are close and even through my Chronic Pain I didn’t know that was going to worsen when we had Courtney and Chloe, we deal with what we have, we are fortunate, we save and we have a nice life. A normal life, a run of the mill existence, we are all blessed with what we have, in spite of my condition making things difficult. We have a nice house in an area I dreamed about living in on the outskirts of the city, we have all we want. But put all that to one side, I would live in a cardboard box in the street with them all.

That is now, but back in the 1970’s I lived another life, evil was around me, fear was around me, anger was there and hatred was to the fore. I was loved, showered with money to shut up about certain things I seen, and I thought all kids lived like this, I thought it was normal. My Dad was a millionaire on Paper when I got a bit older and  he always had big wads of cash when I was a kid. You have no idea what £10 did for an 8 year old boy; I was the best liked boy in class as I had everything and shared it with my friends. Little did I know it was dirty money, my family were criminals and worse. I can’t tell the whole story here, I can only share this life through the eyes of a child, I will do my best, if anyone is young and in this life today, my message is simple, you have a choice, there is always choice

I guess I was about 5 or 6 years old when I first remember the screaming and crying, the men in my house, the fights, the things I seen from looking through an unclosed door. Sex was introduced into my life at a very young age, about the same age, 5 or 6 years old. I was never harmed, it was what I seen. I seen men with serious power and wealth live like people from an episode of the Sopranos, when I watch that now, I should be Tony (RIP to him, I did this blog before he died, so edited it) but I denied anyone the right to make me him, I will explain in a few paragraphs.

I was around the age of 7 years old when things started to click that this maybe was not normal, but being 7 years old I just wanted Soccer cards and Scooby Doo on the TV. I was loved, deeply by my parents and my family, but some of the things I seen in the 1980’s have made me a disabled man in 2013, no argument, it fucked my mind up

I remember being around 7, my Dad had come home and within a second walked over to my Mum and headbutted her into a wall, he then got a knife, ran the hot water, filled the kitchen sink and said to me “Look Shaun, your Mum is a c*nt” He then proceeded to put her head under the boiling water trying to drown her. In my mind looking back he had her head under boiling water for 5 minutes at a time, it was seconds in reality. He then got the blunt end of the handle and smashed it into her eyes and forehead making the water in the sink turn red. My Sister grabbed my hand and we went to our room and sat crying, my sister would have been 14 or so at this point.

See my Dad got divorced and started having sex with my Mum when my Mum was 14, my Mum pretended she was 18 and looking at pictures now, she did look older. My Mum got pregnant and had me when she was 15 years old, my Dad left his ex wife  and brought my two Sisters and my Brother with him to a house he rented and my Mum left home aged 15, pregnant with me. My mum brought up 4 kids till I was about 14 or so when my Brother and two sisters got married and moved on. See not everything was bad; there were good times on holiday in the North of Scotland and in England.

By the time I was 10 years old my Mum always had a black eye, broken nose, fractured cheek bone. She was raped always; love making went out the window. My Dad was the tough lad of Edinburgh; he played cards in a well known pub, One night he won a brand new BMW a cracking red car, I was in bed excited about going out with my Dad in this open top Red BMW. I can’t remember the time, I was about 10/11 year old, and I heard a loud explosion, and then my bedroom window smashed, someone had petrol bombed the BMW, it was up in flames. Within 5 minutes my house was full of men with every kind of weapon you want to talk about. Really, name a weapon, it was there. They all left the house and I hear rumours to this day someone got REAL hurt this night, again I was about 10 years old

Another time I was maybe 12, just about to start high School, my Dad came in late and started calling my Mum a slag, he raped her on the kitchen table as my sister and I sat in bed crying and cuddling. There was nothing we could do, all we could hear was my Mum pleading for my Dad to stop and the punches and slaps to my Mums face. In the morning we had breakfast as normal, everyone was laughing and joking, it was just the way, it was our life, we looked at it as normal, well I did and everyone else seemed to do the same. My Father was the proverbial Jekyll and Hyde, here is a picture of me, circles in red with “The Family”

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“The Family” I was the youngest and most looked after

As I grew older, by the age of 14 or so I was dealing drugs, cannabis, a friend of a friend would give it to me and I would be told how much to give him back. Being “His Son” came with certain privileges in my life at 14 years old. My Partner who I am still with today was a friend back then and I used to tell her the stories and cry and we cuddled, just as friends.

When I was roughly 15 there was a family wedding, I can’t remember whose wedding or where it was, what I do remember was the hurt I seen that night. Someone had dared to stare at Mum and the poor man got him dragged outside, someone opened the boot of a car if I remember rightly, and out came baseball bats and worse, I had followed them out and right at the back of the hotel, for 10 minutes or so they beat this man, about 5 of them, I don’t remember my Dad being there, I think it was maybe his friends? but this is guesswork. The man who looked at my Mum was getting hammered badly by these men, but the weapons and baseball bats kept coming, the men doing it were laughing. Once they were done someone opened he boot of another car and put all the weapons into what looked like a rolled up rug or bed sheet. They left and I slowly walked over to the man who was groaning in bad pain, he was fucked up badly, I stood there 15 years old thinking “What power to have at my disposal” looking back my mind was already gone, my young mind had been eroded into hatred and I wanted to have the same power as my Dad. All I can say is, for a few years until my oldest son was born I carried a lot of say with the kids my age in the North of Edinburgh. I did things I can only say I did because it was in my nature, it was taught to me, and I never knew better, nobody had ever said this is wrong, apart from one person, the same girl I used to confide in, my partner who I live with today, she would say “This is wrong” One night, as kids we were going out, boyfriend and girlfriend and some lad tried to chat her up in the street where we all used get drunk at weekends, I was drunk and in-front of about 20 friends and the partner I am with now, I made sure this lad knew Dawn was mine. Dawn never spoke to me for a few months due to this event. She was different, the way I went about making her mine was a story we still talk about, I just loved her, she was just so different to what I was used to, she cared and loved, not a bad bone in her body

Back at home the beatings carried on, my mum and dad would host parties and grown woman would be getting raped in every bedroom there it seemed, sometimes by a few men at the same time. White powder was all over and brown powder also. I seen another man hurt badly at another party, he tried it on with some woman he shouldn’t have, several men cornered him in the Kitchen and a man got what looked like a small knife and calmly told him why he was wrong while slowly pushing this knife towards him, or poking him with the end of it. I remember the man was being held, I remember him having a hand over his mouth, I remember him pissing his pants and the look of terror in his eyes as the pain came to his body, I stared and stared as this poor man was being hurt for speaking to the wrong woman. I felt no emotion, no fear, no nothing. Pity for a man who was hurting 10 feet in front of me, I think he ran out the back door

Around the same time My Mum, Dad and I went to Newcastle in the North East of England, we stopped off at a Little Chef for a bite to eat, we sat, the three of us at a table for 4 and we ordered our food, picture the scene, middle of Summer, middle of the day in a busy restaurant. Some man was staring at my Mum, my Dad stood up, asked this man what he was looking at. Grabbed a chair and beat the man into a pool of blood, we were told to get our coats by Dad and we left. About 30 minutes later we got stopped by two police cars around Cold stream, a small town on the way to England, I don’t know how, but my Dad got back in the car, laughing and we carried on our journey. He “Was” an evil man. I trashed his £20,000 sports car once for hitting my mum, he stopped soon after

As time rolled on I became a father at 17 and moved away from home, with the only woman who ever understood what I was going through, the only person to say it was wrong, the love of my life, my partner who I am still with today.

I started to act almost the same as my Dad when I was around 18 and I did a bit of jail time, at this point I was “His Son” so it didn’t matter, people were probably paid and given drugs on the inside to look after me. I could take care of myself, but not against say, 5 grown men. I remember still the last time I was in prison sitting in my cell and starting to be a human. When I got out from Prison my Dad who had just divorced my Mum was there to meet me and he gave me a hard time for letting Dawn down while we had a baby boy. I said to him “This is rich coming from you” or words to that affect.

Looking back, once my Dad realised I wanted to be him, he changed his lifestyle. He asked me to change mine, it took a year or so for it to all fall into place, and we had hiccups on the way, we argued all the time. He hit woman and I always brought it up. He would never hit a woman now. I don’t get on with his new wife, and when I was younger, during a house party I stupidly said “Why don’t you hit her like you hit my Mum” he replied “I have changed, I am not proud of who I was, but I am not that guy anymore” and it made complete sense as I was getting into my mid 20’s. In the end my Dad seeing his youngest son going in and out of jail and doing real bad things, taking drugs and more, he changed me, we both grew up. We both saved each other. By this time my Mum was remarried and I had a little sister to my Mums new husband, people were moving on. My Dad now lives 500 and more miles away in the middle of nowhere, me and my Mum still have our issues, we argue sometimes, I guess because we both fight the same demons. She is with a famous man in Scotland now, for the right reasons famous kind of man. Not for all the wrong reasons.

Looking back through the eyes of a child seeing and hearing what I did, no child should ever have to witness that, no child should be exposed to that, but it was a lifetime ago now. Nobody sits and boasts about it. I have a family member in one of the toughest jails in Scotland doing life for Murder today. It was accidental murder. He is in his late 20’s, he was made and brought up to be the new “Big Man” and he failed, and we are all glad he did, he can’t harm anyone where he is. But sad also he ended up there

These days as I approach my 40th birthday (It is Today), I live with the guilt and the demons, and I am told on an almost daily basis not to. I feel for everyone who I seen lose something, I pray for them. When my 2nd son was born I walked away from it all, “The Family” I stepped out of the shadow of being “His Son” and became my own man, here are the memories http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/the-football-story-i-never-told/ I became Shaun the football manager for 15 years until roughly 18 month ago where my Chronic Pain Syndrome became so severe I had to stop. I loved working with kids, I loved football (Soccer)

I would change a lot of things I did, but if I did would I be with my Partner? Would I have my 4 kids, would I be in the house I am in, in the area I am in? The answer is no. I would have gone on being the idiot till I got life in jail or was killed or dead

I would not wish violence on anyone these days. The only time old Shaun comes out to play is if I see a man hit a woman, I Iose it. I don’t always hit people, but I can’t help it. What I seen woman go through, be them willing participants or not, I can’t stand still if I see it happen. Men should not hit woman.

So now 15 years after wonderful memories in Football, here I am disabled and struggle to walk most days. If this is my punishment so be it, but I never asked to be taught that, to be exposed to that, to see these things. Once I became self aware with two young sons, I got out of Vegas. I became love and light and still to this day thank my partner for being there the whole time. She was the difference. We met and were meant to be. I am love and light as I say, I care now, and all that went before makes it easy for me to help steer a kid up the right path, when it happens, it is amazing, sadly I had to stop football http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/the-dream-died-no-football-for-uncle-shaun/  I know  I went back and forwards with my age here but I was remembering things as I wrote. I just told my story here, I had to leave out a lot of bad stuff, but use your imagination, trust me, it was horrific, and I guess this is why I have no fear now, I fear dying too young and leaving Dawn, but no man scares me or could get into my mind, the ability to turn that switch off came to me many years ago, people still try and play mind games, I just laugh and block them, they are sad and pathetic, same as the people from my past I guess

Thank you for allowing me to share my life on your page Melanie, my message is simple, allow love into your hearts, and our lives can change in any way we want it, anger, depression, hurt, despair, and all  these emotions exist only if you allow them into your heart, I stopped allowing people to get to me or annoy me or find a way to me. I don’t care if I ever get hurt, but I will always protect my family, old Shaun is in here somewhere, with luck he won’t show up again, just everyone, smile and be happy, if you are reading this you are lucky, you have the internet, a home, food, money, even if only enough to survive, trust me, money and power will destroy you and all around you should you let it in. These are my memories from being a kid, so this is why I don’t return there in my mind and  I now allow my kids to be happy, they look to me for strength and guidance now. So I must stay strong, when the bad times come these days, we deal with it as a family, and we do it with love and cuddles, don’t allow your past to destroy you, please!

Any questions? Please fire away on this page, also I have Skype shaunyg1973 I will talk to anyone, I do want to help, people say they are beyond help, this is wrong, people do change, I am living proof as are some of my family, the most evil of people I once knew are now a delight to be with. But there are still people in my family I do avoid, not out of fear, out of respect for myself the kids and Dawn. I will not go back there, I made it so we will have enough money to live and not depend on others, so this is what I will do. Did I make mistakes, oh yes, did I know any better? No, I was a child then a confused young man. Today I just smile, laugh and love and give and  try to repay to God the damage I may have caused to anyone. It is hard to live know you did things, but God helps if you ask, so ask, don’t live unhappy, there really is no need, you can break free, I know a girl who blogs who broke free and allows others to tell their story, so we are both living proof people can change their way. Thank you again Melanie, I love you tons.

More love, less hate

Shaun

About the Author

PrayingForOneDayI am 39 and have lived with a disability for over 10 years now. I have 4 kids and a loving wife. I am blessed, but I feel sometimes my pain, what I have to go through, affects them more. This is the hard part.

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102 comments

  1. “I stepped out of the shadow of being “His Son” and became my own man”

    I can relate to a lot of your story, but this especially is what I try to remember every day(only as a female with an abusive mother) when it comes to raising my son and trying to make peace with my past.

    Thank you for sharing this with us.

  2. prayingforoneday · · Reply

    Thank you..It can be hard, but once you step we becomes “us” then things get easier. And this blog helped me make peace with the past. Thank you…Good to get it out my System even how hard it was. Shaun x

  3. Eesh. Heck of a childhood you had there, Shaun. I’m glad you survived.

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      LOL!
      It really feels like a lifetime ago, a dream almost now. It didn’t seem difficult at the time as I was born into greed and power (Not things high on my list as you know)
      It was a life, and had I not lived it, I would not be here today as the happy lad I am today.
      I am sure others had worse, I survived to tell the story and help kids to pick better paths through bad parenting. Why I work with kids now.
      Thank you. I just did a blog, I am “GONE” So sore and tired after my day out today “Birthday” with the girls..

      Thanks for the feedback, and I mean it, anyone else has a question about any of this, fire away, I will do my best.
      Also you should have seen the unedited version, lol. I must have edited this 10 times.

      Shaun x

      1. It’s good that you’re able to take a negative and turn it into a positive like that. I’d really like to do that with my childhood, but I’m not at the point where I can help anyone else. You survived and are helping others. Good for you.

        1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

          With the Chronic Pain I have, I have 2 options. In life there are only really 2 options, yes or no, or run or walk, or whatever. I think with my past and the Dr’s I have spoken to about it and made the connection to pain through childhood trauma, I find it easy to talk about. When it comes to working with kids I can spot the kids with bad parents a mile away. I sometimes had to drag the parent to one side and keep the debate about Soccer but still get the point over. Sometimes I just wanted to slap them lol…(Not the kid, the parent)
          And you just helped me with that reply, so thank you..Really you did. And I have one person to thank, I owe her my life. Reason I talk about her too much on here. She says I over-do it, but for me, she saved me. So why not..

          Thank you again for the nice gentle worlds. They mean so much. I was worried doing this blog people would dislike me or see something and not speak to me. So this is how you helped..
          I am TOTALLY gone here, so tired and sore after the day out it is untrue.. lol

          Shaun x

          1. We all have things in our past that we’re not proud of and don’t like thinking about, but you’ve taken the bad and turned it on its ear. You’re using your past for good and helping others in similar situations. That is what I aspire to do. Cheers.

            1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

              I really don’t take flattery too well… lol
              But really, truly, thank you. means a lot.
              I think the easiest think any of us can be is “Evil and Nasty” it takes little effort. Having a heart, caring, taking time to help and keeping it up is hard, not because it is a hard thing to do, more because sometimes we all feel down and don’t want to help and can be all “Me, Me, Me” I see it in so many people. I deflect that into helping others.
              I think maybe, just maybe, I am trying to REALLY look in the mirror and say “Sorry” and “I am trying to make up for the wrongs I was taught” But I still did them. So I have that burden to carry and I do, but I have people in my life who see it and help. Moments, all they are. They come and go.
              And I think it would be very easy for me to be “Him” you know. I have the excuse. I know off many people who drink badly, take drugs, are criminals and say “But it all I know” I reply “Then you should know better” And they should .A girl friend I have, she is a brilliant girl, both her parents died of AIDS through injecting Heroin when she was a kid, both her parents were dead before she was 12 I think. And now she is happily married with kids and is AMAZING FUN!! Because she knows what bad is. When you truly know what Evil is, you look to God and try and and find good in yourself. I think is what she did. And perhaps what I did also. All we do is laugh when we see each other. And I hope you do more than aspire, I know you a little and I know you can, you are a nice person. As they sung “All you need is love” lol, Joking aside, this is a good start if you have love in your heart. And tell serious idiots to beat it helps. In a nice way of course.
              Shaun

  4. they say:like father , like son. today i know they were wrong, i hope they stay wrong:) stay strong, and i cant imagine the horror uve been through. god bless every woman whose ever been laid a hand on.

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      God bless them all.. xx Well said.
      I did want to be like him, but through ignorance. Dawn came along and showed me another way, another path and another life I had no idea existed. This will sound off but it wasn’t horror at the time and even now it is like I am explaining a book I read or a movie I seen. The only way I know it was me is the memories and family chats. And the picture of me in a boat 🙂

      God Bless you..
      Shaun xx

  5. Wow incredible Shaun. I don’t know what else to all comments before cover everything. I bless your wife and loving family…Barb I was looking for your story yesterday and wanted to read it glad I finally caught up with it.

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      Yeah, I thank God every day for Dawn..This is why I post about her soo much, she saved me..and gave me 4 amazing kids..And makes me happy xx

      Thank you xx

  6. What and incredibly bitter sweet post, I”m so sad for all that you lived through and wittnessed, yet so thrilled that you broke free, and didn’t become what you grew up in. I’m happy for you that you have the love of your life and 4 children. Reading this definitely gives people hope! Thank you for finding the courage to blog this and Happy Birthday!

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      I needed courage trust me! lol, as I said I edited it a few times, the first draft was too much, And I helped also. It got the demons out and this is the first time I have really told the story. I think the message is “Choice” there is always Choice, we just got to be brave enough to make the choice..Nobody deserves to live a life they don’t want to. In the end we all walk, so walk early and get the pain over.. xx
      Thank you xx
      And my Birthday went well x

      1. I agree there is always choice. I walked away from my family too as they are all abusive and I did not want to become that. I’m working hard in therapy as well.
        I hope now that you have been able to tell your story, it will come easier if you feel you want to write more. I know it took great courage to tell this. It definitely holds some healing to do so!
        I’m glad your Birthday went well!

        1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

          Yeah when I was asked to blog this the date given was my birthday, Mel said I could change it, but I was ok with it, I did the blog weeks ago, but HAD to change it like 4 hours before it was due to be Published I just wasn’t comfy with some of the content, It was too strong and just horrible. I can only thank Mel for allowing me the chance to share this on a blog that is there for sharing..

          And I am in pain, the Birthday was good, but what is pain apart from an emotion or a chemical your brain sends out. Just trying to trick it back, I will get there..

          x

          1. I understand. What causes your pain if you don’t mind me asking?

            1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

              Course I don’t mind.
              Fibromyalgia/Chronic Pain Syndrome are illnesses/diseases (I have no idea what they are) That send shots of pain around your body when there is no pain. I help with the local Chronic Pain team as much as I can and I helped my own Dr doing trials and spoke infront of other Drs/experts etc..
              In a word, nobody knows really.
              The best they can come up with, and it does change is that it comes from the mind due to bad things or sad things that happened. Some deal, some cant. I seem to bot be able to. I did this on my own page with the “official” video that we get here in Scotland to explain pain.

              http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/chronic-pain-syndrome-explained/

              What I see is Dr’s giving people large amounts of medication and not keeping an eye on you. Many people that suffer tell the same story. I am in the UK so medication is free, I know in the States (I say that because 90% of people who follow my blog are from there , and are friends) you must pay and don’t a choice in what you pay for..

              I have blogged this 1,000 times on my own blog. Did one tonight. Most are in here http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/category/my-disability/

              Sorry, there isn’t really an answer, just guesswork. All I know is it is agony and life changing. Check some blogs on the last link I gave you

              x

              1. for sure i’ll check the links. i’m from Canada 😉

                i’m inclined to believe that a lot of these unexplained illnesses are stemming from abuse. we couldn’t deal with the abuse as children it wasn’t safe, and we were to young to process it, so it has to come out somewhere and does so physically.
                I lost my bladder to IC which you have listed as one of the diseases on your one post. it’s also unexplained.

                1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

                  Believe what you will 🙂
                  I am only telling you what the “Specialists” Notice how I quoted them there? Told me… I did say it was a guess.
                  And I tend to think the same. But as far as I know, neither of them are Dr’s..

                  This blog was about Abuse and more from what I seen through the eyes of a kid, Please, I just did this blog here: http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/2013/07/03/as-i-sit-in-pain-i-only-ask-you-read-this-and-listen-to-the-song/
                  Please if you want to debate my Illness and possible reasons, then talk to me there, this is for Abuse and what Mel wanted me to talk about.
                  In-fact please do, it all helps me and others. I have learnt a few things to help me with this pain on here, just ways to cope, from nice people on here..
                  Please. talk to me there about pain, others will see it also, as hundreds follow me who have the exact same pain or symptoms…
                  Sorry to hear about your issues. Never nice to hear others suffer

                  Thank you for your input..
                  So I tale it Canadians are nosey? lol

                  Shaun

  7. I’m sorry for “little Shaun” of the past– it sounds like a surreal experience, full of the type of hellish experiences that make for a mold that is hard to break from– but, like you, I am glad that it carved a new path of love and light. One that you’ve been so kind to share with us! Happy birthday! (it’s a different birthday wish because it’s on this blog now, so it’s not weird that I said it twice, see? 😉 )

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      I see what you did..lol And thank you..Twice 🙂

      And little Shaun is gone, all that is left is this 40 year old man with a story to tell like a million other people. It was the hardest blog I ever done, and I had to be real careful also. And it allowed me to see what “real bad ” was and break away from it. Now I can spot Bad or Evil from a text message lol , seriously. It gifted me the ability to stay away from Idiots who want to drag me back there, I moved back to the area where I was brought up (well 2/3/4 miles away ish) So I see a lot of people from the past and they shout my old nick name and I never turn around till they say Shaun. In their mind I am still the same guy, so sometimes I have to put the old mask on for 5 minutes just to humour people so I can get on with my life… Something a lot of people like me do. It is like slipping in and out of Character for a movie…lol

      And thank you, Birthday was good.

  8. prayingforoneday · · Reply

    Reblogged this on Looking for reasoning to a complicated world and commented:

    Guest Blog I did.

  9. It is a hard life , I mean that sincerely. You have done well, be proud be brave.

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      It is just another story told by a person with a story to tell..
      Life these days is easy, I think we can make it hard..
      x

        1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

          Xx

  10. I agree with some of the other folks who have already said how they feel for “Little Shaun,” but I also commend “Big Shaun” for moving on. May you continue to find a path to wholeness and peace.

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      Thank you..
      The healing from this healed a while back in terms of what I went through.
      But the pain it has left me in is not good.
      People always ask why I blog about my Partner so much.
      This is why here, she took me away from it all.

      Thanks for the comments x

  11. prayingforoneday · · Reply

    I would just like to take a second to thank Mel once more, Mel because I blogged this I have spoken in private with about 50 people, Skype, Facebook Chat, Email, a comment here and there on Word Press and I was staggered to find out this was a lot more common. I knew I was not the only one to go through this, or the only person to see stuff. Of course not, a crap thing is a crap thing we all take shit in the way we do and in our own way. So truly Mel, thank you so much for allowing me to do this and connect to so many others who are either in that same life or had been in it and didn’t know how to deal with it. With the discussion being so shit many people spoke to me in private, as they didn’t want to share, some are saying they might now share.
    So good has come from my shit. And that is good…
    Thank you very much.
    And please, keep allowing people to blog here, you are doing a wonderful thing Mel. Really, goon on you, you care, you give a shit and you know you are helping people. You are a credit to yourself for doing this, and you have my gratitude and admiration for allowing people to connect and help each other with really hard things in all walks of like. I even got helped.
    So once more, thank you.

    Shaun x

    1. You’re welcome, Shaun. I’m glad this space is becoming such a good place for sharing and supporting others through their stories.

      1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

        That it is Mel. I read a TON of stories while I was doing mine. Some are so Sad. But others who have been through the same, or are still stuck in that nightmare, your blog offers these people something called hope, and more..

        Thank you,
        you are an Amazing person
        x

  12. […] give them all I have and all I am. I have a story to tell, And I told in on a guest blog here: https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ It was horrific, but it was 25+ years ago. I was a Father aged 17 and Married the Woman I thought […]

  13. […] my life. I did a blog here for Mel, it was a guest blog, it explains more of what I am saying here https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ Dawn showed me a life I did not know existed, so I choose life, I chose the 3 piece suit and […]

  14. […] 1. Dawn, she saved me from a certain criminal life or death, I guest blogged it here: https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ […]

  15. […] Beatings, drugs and more through the eyes of a child […]

  16. […] That was the year I was born until now…. The rest is here: https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ […]

  17. This is is absolutely thought-provoking for everyone – parents, singles and children alike !!! Woww !!!

    As I read this movie-like story, I went down memory lane…..http://justmikemon.wordpress.com/2013/01/20/parental-bullying/

    I specifically thought of my late dad…..http://justmikemon.wordpress.com/2013/02/19/papa-was-not-a-rolling-stone/

    I guess parents will find Shaun’s post absolutely useful…just like mine…..http://justmikemon.wordpress.com/2013/03/18/what-are-we-teaching-our-children/

    Check this out too…http://justmikemon.wordpress.com/2013/03/09/the-arduous-task-of-parenting-in-the-21st-century/

    Thanks for sharing this “earth-moving” story Shaun. I am going to it read again. But this time, much more slowly…

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      It was a “Miracle” that Dawn came to save me…

      Thank you, will read the links.

      Shaun

  18. Linda G Potter · · Reply

    Thank you for sharing. I have had Fibromyalgia for many years. I am 58 years old and never suffered from abuse. I was the second child, the oldest girl, of 11 children born in 17 years. I suppose that my childhood was stressful as I had many household responsibilities and helped care for my younger siblings. My older brother had some anger issues and made sure that everyone knew that he wished he were an only child LOL. We all sort of wished he were, too, in someone else’s family.
    My poor mother felt guilty for putting so much on me, but I was good at it. I was well prepared to manage a household and have my own children at a young age. But only 3 of my own. I think that early training served me well in coping with my pain and fatigue. My daughters are grown into wonderful women.
    My childhood might have been easier but it was not bad. I have no regrets other than the fact that I could never convince my mother that I was happy that she and daddy raised me the way that they did. I’m sorry that yours was so difficult.
    Peace be with you

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      Thanks for sharing. And maybe just that “Mum I am Happy” issue is an deep issue you ain’t aware of? I don’t know. I been involved in Groups in real life and online and a common theme is “Childhood Trauma” but not with all. So it is still guess work really Chronic Pain. Thanks for the comments and sharing, and here are the people who help me life and the person who saved my life http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/about-2/

      Shaun

  19. […] to many people for making me the nice guy I am today, so just a reminder of where I come from https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ I beat that system to become a Baker, Shoe repairer, Bingo caller and football manager, and a PC […]

  20. Shaun, thank you for sharing, and praise to you – and to God – for your getting out of that cycle and being the better person because of that.
    Faith

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      Thank you Truly means a lot..
      I was a kid with no choice once, then I became a self aware adult who had a choice. And love saved me.

      Faith indeed x

      Thanks.
      Shaun

  21. No child should ever have to experience what you did. Peace to who you have become.x

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      I become who you speak to now…
      My Partner really showed me a new way, a life I didn’t know. And we are still together, since School..So all is good. My family are still “You know” Mostly all nearer your end of the Country, But as I say, we be ourselves.. And no, No Child should have to see that. I make sure my 4 kids never see that or know it. My 2 sons are older and know as much as they need to know. That blog was 20% of what I could share. I was just a kid, I don’t remember too much..,,I have a “Famous” Family from the West of Scotland, and we live and let live..They are nice people .Each to their own..

      Thank you also..

        1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

          🙂

          Got to live

  22. Shaun- I’m the Steve that replied to your post on Angryman’s blog. What a testimony you have.I think you misunderstood the point I was trying to make to you. your testimony actually defines it even further. I see that you are not an American but I suspect that things aren’t actually mch different here. the blurb I saw i misinterpretted that to be that you were advocating more government intervention to solve yet another social problem. i can see by your personal testimony that even though you had adversity in your own life you have been able to turn that into a positive by being able to mentor someone else that faces the same difficulties in their own life. that is a rare person that can do that and you should be commended for your actions. I don’t have a problem with a person that looks at the world and says ” hey, that isn’t right and I AM GOING TO DO SOMETHING about it”. I believe we all have an obligation to make a difference in the world we live in. US not the government. I guess that’s what really ticks me off about most liberals is for the most part I find them disingenous because all they ever seem to do is focus on how screwed up everything but are totally unwilling to do anything personally to make things better, just blame someone else and expect the government to do it. Thank you for your response and God bless you and your family as you continue to make a difference in the lives of others. Stev

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      Thank you for your honest reply, It is VERY refreshing to discuss and not argue 🙂 with such subjects, truly it is.
      I don;t know if most American people realise if you sneeze we all catch a cold in Europe. The impact on what the US Government does affects the people, but it affects the world also…

      Thank you for one of the most pleasant replies I have read…

      Shaun

  23. Patrick Fisher · · Reply

    A very thought provoking story Shaun. Known you for a while now and i appreciate you sharing this time of your life. Even some of the prickliest of plants manage to flower eventually. You are proof that there is good in everyone, it just takes the right event to trigger that goodness.

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      Thanks Patrick.
      And yeah, so true.
      When I “Woke up” to life and done kids football, even adults football, basically in a place where I could make a difference, I always would. I am in a position to tell an 18 year old kid what to try what to change.
      And you are spot on. My trigger was Dawn.
      I guess we all have one in life.
      Thanks buddy…

  24. […] Today has not been a good day, not at all. I am moody and pissed off and taking the pain out on everyone. I just don’t want to be in my own house this evening. The smallest thing sets me off, I got annoyed by the JUKIE BASTARD about a half hour ago and I punched him about 100 times with an anger I hate in myself. Why did I do this? Because I am an idiot also, I am no better than the illegal junkie, he had been leaving needles lying about, and well, to cut a long story short, I lost it with the prick. I shouldn’t be blogging this as anger is never the answer, but this guy is now back on the scene, and I HATE THE BASTARD. https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ […]

  25. I wish you were alone in your story man but it has been my privilege(?) to hear similar too many times. I think our women (yours and mine) are proof that angels exist, the Almighty cares and change is possible. Thanks for sharing. Love your work. Respect REDdog

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      WOW..
      That was a cool thing to say dude…
      Old me left a long time ago..
      Sadly the “Family” stayed…But I keep arm’s length..

      Your a good man..Truly

  26. […] I was a kid most of you know my story now https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ this was the hardest blog I have ever done or will ever do. But I had to share it, I had to release […]

  27. […] we both had to go through, if you have not read, please, feel free, this is my story, more pain https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ people think I am a nice guy, and I am, but this was not always the case, once not so long ago I […]

  28. […] many have read the story, I have 200 new followers or so since I did a guest blog for Mel here https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ In this blog I explain how I got to be sitting in a jail cell through a childhood that was […]

  29. […] last thing, you all know my past https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ I was NEVER Shaun for many years, I became Shaun the football […]

  30. […] who doesn’t know, I will leave this, as I gain so many followers, many don’t know https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ But really, life is good now, all better, we are all happy as we can be, this was another life, […]

  31. a well said storey
    being shauns big brother i can verify all he has said
    and i am the parent of the family member he has inside jail now
    it has took a lot of looking back and a lot of family fall outs but i think we ( me and shaun) have grown up a lot and are now a close family and there for each other
    love peace and respect bro do your writing it inspires many

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      Bro that means a lot. It was a hard story to tell you know that. We all pine for him and know what happened was an accident. Brother fall out, but me and you are solid as a rock.

      Cheers bro.
      Respect

  32. […] Beatings, drugs and more through the eyes of a child […]

  33. Wow, Shaun, I don’t even know what to say. No child should ever, ever have to experience such hell. It’s amazing that you’ve turned out to be such an honest, courageous, kind, and caring man. I think you are an awesome individual and only wish good things for you, your partner and your children. I was never abused by anyone as a child. There were certainly traumatic events in my life, which is why I now have PTSD. My father was killed by a drunk driver when I was only 8, then there was the house fire about a year later, as I remember. My brothers only son was killed in a car accident when he was only 14 and it goes on. I don’t want to ever see a little, broken body in an open casket ever again because that will definitely be the end of me. I suppose trauma of any kind can be a causing factor. May God bless you, my friend.
    Peace and HUGS
    Tammy

  34. […] anyone who doesn’t know, here is my story , I am the young kid in the boat up in the isle of Sky https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ I mention me and this link because I know many characters in this movie for real, mainly as a […]

  35. […] able to take this pain? I struggle every day, I am not be, I am pain Why did I have this childhood: https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ Will I ever be able to fully forgive myself for what I did Will I be normal again, like just no […]

  36. Thank you for sharing your story. Domestic Violence is a horror. I was.abused as a child by my mother. I have spent my life in and out of therapy. I dealt by avoiding for twenty some years. She is gone now. But I have non epileptic seizures because my subconscious brain is the only part that didn’t move on and heal. So when stress gets to much for me my brain turns off and I pass out. I am under the care of a neurologist and am part of a case study. So we will see if it works. Last year this happened to me five times. Twice was injured.that is why I helped to start a DV shelter in

    Pennsylvania in the seventies. I am 63now. I have devoted my life to stopping DV and helping women and children. I think you are an amazing and courageous man. Blessings, Barbara

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      OMG. I am so sorry. I would never have known, you speak well and never blog like I do. I am sorry you know what that childhood is like. I put it behind me. But I guess we all have something after the childhood ends and adulthood comes.

      I am really sorry you suffer…

      You are a brave woman.. x

      1. Thank you for your kindness. Your story just moved me so much. I became a psych nurse because my first husband ran off with my best friend. I didn’t work as was usual in those times. So I went to nursing school full time, i worked as a nurses aid full time third shift to earn two dollars and ten cents and hour in a rehab hospital. The other eight hours I tried to be with my little girls, study oh and sleep. I got an ulcer but I made it. It was just such a long time ago. He just abandoned us. The thing that I learned is that there is so many people in the world suffering and there is always someone in worse shape. When I was little I used to write her letters and tell hurt how unfair she was and what a hypocrite she was then I tore them up in the tiniest pieces so she couldn’t put them back together and read it. Probably saved my sanity. Of course, being abandoned has left me with some triggers. There was more that happened. But I won’t whine. I got really mad at God and we parted ways. I told he’d really messed up my life and if it was the best he could do, I would take care of my own life, thank you kindly. So I knew he was hanging around somewhere but we ignored each other. That has changed obviously. There is more to the story. But you need to be hearing good things. Take care of yourself. I am going on a road trip with friends. Why people enjoy being cold I will understand. I am handicapped now and retired. When the docs said I would end up in a wheelchair, it was a no brainier. Two weeks later I was done working. I am sorry you have had to go through so much and I will be praying about the pain. I have been constant pain for seven years now and walk with a cane. So I have a little idea what you deal with. What a blessing your partner is. Hugs, Barbara

      2. Really I am lucky. I just have to remember to keep my thoughts positive. Hugs, Barbara

        1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

          Same..Being positive can be hard, but you can do it..
          Hugs.. x

          1. You are very brave too. I know a bit about your bravery. Hugs, Barbara

            1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

              We have 2 options, one is to give in and go to bed and stay there for ever. The other is to do the hard option. Get up and fight… This is what we are doing.. x

              1. Yes, it is with little breaks occasionally. But we fight. See I also have chronic fatigue. It was diagnosed the year my husband passed. I had Epstein Barr and Mono according to the test results. I still carry positive titters today. According to the CDC, both of these are the same virus. The CDC is doing research and at present they think that there is one virus. And one virus causes all of these diseases. Hugs, Barbara

                1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

                  shit…Barbara, I am SO sorry….
                  If you have blogged this I am so sorry I didn’t read it. I feel like a bastard for not knowing 😦 I am TRULY sorry for all you have been through.. .x
                  As I say, together we will help each other fight and smile..

                  Deal? x

                  1. A definite deal. But I haven’t written about it . People don’t get it. They think it is laziness. But is not and so far there is no cure. Cher suffered with it for years. I go in and out of remission. I check often at the CDC to see what they are doing. They had made a lot of progress in the last five years. So don’t feel bad. You missed nothing. I guess I thought you would understand. Hugs, Barbara

  37. Shaun, thanks for directing me over to Mels blog and sharing this part of your life. You are blessed to have Dawn and your children, you got out and Amen for that. I understand oh to well!! I have not even begun to talk about my biological fathers side of my family yet on my blog, but its coming in the next few months. My father was not a nice man nor was his father. They made lots of money and none of it was legal. I just reconnected with him again 4 years ago. Talk soon, Becki

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      Tell your story..x Please… x
      And look forward to talking soon.. Hugs..

  38. And I will, look forward to chatting with you as well.

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      We chatted well 😀
      All 3 off us.. x lol

        1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

          It was a brilliant laugh…Thank you..
          You are an amazing couple…

  39. […] to share this blog with everyone. I did a guest blog here: (THIS IS WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SHARE)  https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ I blogged it on Mel’s site  https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com where many people share […]

  40. tamthetim · · Reply

    Really good read that Shaun

    Thoroughly enjoyed it tbh

    Not many folk would be that honest so fair play to you and good luck to you Sir wherever life takes you from here on in

    1. prayingforoneday · · Reply

      Tam you are Scottish and not daft, you know that is 10% of what I can tell..Life is better now. That shit is gone mate. It’s hard man patter by most. Proper hard lads don’t advertise it. I did this as during a study I was in for http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/chronic-pain-syndrome-explained/ We noted that most with this disability had traumatic shit happen as kids. Many who read this blog you read said the same also. Seems common for people like me with Fibromyalgia. Adults with problems are more prone to have underlying health issues brought on through Childhood

      HH

  41. […] Mel’s site where many post their life and things they went through, great place to read!)  https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/) not to be a hard man or pretend to be one but to show I  changed, I do not let hate in. I walked […]

  42. Reblogged this on Share your WordPress Blog and commented:
    My personal story. One I guest blogged as I didn’t want Family to see, my Brother seen it and commented. Hard read. Long read. But if you are my friend, this will make you understand a few things about me…I was a KID. I had no idea.. It has a good ending this Blog.. I won’t ruin it for you.. I remember very little.. Shaun.

  43. […] made a cup of tea, half an hour later the emotions are still here, I already shared what happened here https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ I don’t have too much to add. When my Dad was down last this song came on TV and he started […]

  44. […] I am the kid in the boat. I have to tell this story – https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ […]

  45. […] in my sky that often gets dark, here is my story, I am the kid in the boat, I guest blogged here https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ I never ask for or want sympathy, I just want to be normal but different at the same time, I know […]

  46. […] I have been living with Fibromyalgia now for 16 years, I felt the first pain of Fibromyalgia when I was in my early 20’s, I am now just turned 41 years old and it has peaked in my body. I am told it won’t get worse by my pain team. How they know I don’t know. I was part of a two year study here in Scotland. I am on a CD/Small Documentary somewhere, don’t ask. In our study we noticed 9 out of 10 people had a childhood event, a traumatic event at the age we are moulded for life. I also had a story to tell. I share and told my story best I could on a friends page a year ago now. I named no names and added two pictures both over 30 years old now. Many in the 2nd image are dead now, I am the kid in the boat https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ […]

  47. […] the feel of the reply, but it made it more real a person in my history replying. This is my story: https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ I grew up in a bad place, a bad area of town I now know to be bad, at the time I thought was […]

  48. […] man. OK, I have pain, it makes me stay in bed for days on end, it makes me want to go back to ‘Old Shaun’ <(You can click that, it’s a link to Old […]

  49. Just needed to say I stopped blogging…
    Only to return and write #LessPain..

    If you know me?
    http://www.ShaunyNews.com

    Hope everyone is keeping ok.

  50. […] BEATINGS, DRUGS AND MORE THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD < That is my story I told 2 years ago, in a bad way, pain and HEAVILY medicated. Now I have my story so I share it on my page, you the reader are more than welcome to share your opinion here, or my ShaunyNews Facebook group or any other Social Media or even in private. Again, this is true to a point what I wrote. To be honest my Childhood is so cloudy and the medication I was on because of the Disability and M.E I have made me be unable to be truthful to the point I probably would like to have been. I wasn’t the only person in my family to suffer, many suffered, and we don’t talk, I try my best to say “Please, speak to me, I don’t hate you” But people all around the World are to damn unhappy to say “ok, maybe I was wrong” Because I am wrong DAILY and I put my hands in the air and say sorry! […]

  51. […] BEATINGS, DRUGS AND MORE THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD < That is my story I told 2 years ago, in a bad way, pain and HEAVILY medicated. Now I have my story so I share it on my page, you the reader are more than welcome to share your opinion here, or my ShaunyNews Facebook group or any other Social Media or even in private. Again, this is true to a point what I wrote. To be honest my Childhood is so cloudy and the medication I was on because of the Disability and M.E I have made me be unable to be truthful to the point I probably would like to have been. I wasn’t the only person in my  family to suffer, many suffered, and we don’t talk, I try my best to say “Please, speak to me, I don’t hate you” But people all around the World are to damn unhappy to say “ok, maybe I was wrong” Because I am wrong DAILY and I put my hands in the air and say sorry! […]

  52. […] mistreated. A family member called me out on this blog here about what I remember or don’t https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ I did that in 2013 on my Birthday on an American site but 1 family member got the link and replied […]

  53. […] understand my reasons, maybe this is worth a read? : https://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/ I wrote my life there as it’s American readers mainly. Great site […]

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