“You say that now…”

  • “I have someone I’d like you to meet,” says Well-Meaning Friend. “He’s smart and nice.”
  • “I’m not ready, but thank you,” I answer.
  • “You need someone to go through this with,” insists Well-Meaning Friend.
  • “I’m not bringing my ex into anyone else’s life,” I return.
  • “We aren’t meant to be alone. We gravitate to others. You won’t be bringing your ex into someone else’s life. You will be bringing someone into your life,” WMF tries to convince.
  • “Still, it’s only been 2 years since I left him and 2 months since my divorce,” I answer.
  • “But you’re divorced officially now. Don’t you want to meet someone?” ponders WMF.

My gun is bigger than your bow

No. I don’t want to meet someone. I have no interest in finding a life partner. I’m one of Them seriously considering this new-fangled trend called self-marriage.

There’s no man-hating element to this. I have a dad, cousins, brother & brother-in-law, and uncles. I have friends and co-workers of the three-legged variety. Most men I interact with are generally kind people: fathers who pick up their kids from school, brothers who help their sisters study for an exam, guys who cut grass, change AC filters, wash clothes or dishes, and keep their listening ears on even when the TV is on.

I know men who hurt when people hurt, men who would murder to keep their family from the pains of a home invasion, men who prefer partnership over domination, respect over obligation, love over hate; men who hold a woman’s hand while she labors for 12 hours to birth their child, and forego sleep, dinner, and his favorite television show to witness the first breath of a child.

But I don’t want any of these men.

I don’t want any kind of man (or woman either). I don’t want to share my bed, or go back to picking up after an adult. I don’t want to have to go to action movies just to be able to go to a chic-flick eventually. I don’t want to wash any more laundry or dishes than I already do.

I don’t want to touch anyone and I don’t want anyone touching me. I don’t want to laugh with anyone. I don’t want to cry with anyone. I don’t want to bring my ex into anyone else’s life, or bring anyone else into my kids’ life.

I am not a single package. I come with a freightliner full of baggage. I am at the helm of my ship sailing to lands unknown. Alone. And, that’s ok.

In all seriousness, tho, I have the choice on channel and temperature.

The Simpsons, Crazy Cat Lady

And, if I have to buy a cat to be accepted as a non-married adult-woman, so be it.

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7 comments

  1. […] 6 months ago. I’m still not dating, and I don’t appreciate the suggestion that I “go get a boyfriend.” It really hurts my feelings. […]

  2. Don’t give in to your match-making friends – love yourself first and if partnership is in the future, it will happen, naturally and without reservations.

  3. I see you have found Vanessas blog. Onethousandsingledays. She mentions briefly that there are lots of sources of love. Having a boy or a man in your life is Not necessary for there to be love in your life.

    You can live your life never sharing your bed or your home and this life can still be a live that is full of love. You can be single but not “alone”.

    Your journey is your own. Keep being strong.

  4. That’s me! That’s me! I tried dating after the divorce. Same type of thing with encouragement from friends that the divorce was FINALLY over. He moved on, so should you. It’s funny because I wouldn’t go out with the guy in town. I didn’t want to take the chance that my ex would find out. The guy just laughed at me about it. Fast forward many months when things were serious and I introduced him to my kids (tho just as a friend). The minute they went with their father and told him about my friend, my phone rang. And rang. And rang. And rang. It probably rang 30 times in the span of 2 minutes, then the text messages started. I was having dinner with the guy I was dating and he said, “You have got to be kidding me.” Nope. Welcome to my crazy life. Will you pass the salt, please?

    1. Ugh. Mine would give me hell too. He’d probably take me to court and try to have my visits changed to supervised, and then, in a narcissistic way, would use our relationship as evidence I pick bad men to prove his point.
      So, yeah, pass the salt and let me pour it on my wound.

  5. […] a boyfriend. Boyfriends suck. I have no interest in dating, especially in starting a relationship. Hell straight to the no. I still want total control over the remote, the temperature, and the middle […]

speak loudly, donkeys are sleeping

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